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ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

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all that sass
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ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!
my kids are INSANE. I am loosing my mind. anyone want a cute blond child? i have 3 to choose from. its a 2 for 1 deal. :BH :hammer :sad
all that sass
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

WAIT! 3 for 1....that would be better

Jenks
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

I'll trade ya. One 15 year old boy for what=ever you have. But I AM almost done.....

Adell
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

Jen if you need a break I will take your kids for a while. I have been planning on grabing Grandmas van and picking up you and your kids for a day at the water park in Kingston.

vneerland
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I can only offer you the use of my e-collar. I know it works on insane dogs, but I have heard that use on kids is frowned upon :roll:
Maybe best to take Adell up on her offer for a trip to Kingston. Who would not want to go to Jamaica, after all? :mrgreen:

Bannerminis
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

I have 3 kids too and from the last 2 days I am ready to give them away for FREE :lol:

Banner Miniature Horses http://www.bannerminiaturehorses.com/

all that sass
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

OMG trip to Kingston would be so fun! Jamaica would be more fun, but the kids would have to stay at home for that trip LOL.

vneerland - ecollar would probably do the trick! but a day spent with no TV and one child shut in his room for the WHOLE day seemed to make an impact too.

Jenks - i would totally trade a 15 year old for my 3 little monsters. does he speak much? will he spend all his time in his room or out somewhere getting into trouble? i could handle that :P wait, do you have to make food for him? cause i am tired of making food and would be quite glad to stock the fridge/freezer/cupboards with food for someone who can make their own food.

i am actually feeling much better today. Canada Day! we are invading my working students house to play in her pool and eat the wonderful pot luck that our neighbors will be bringing! should be a good day! (as long as none of mine drown)

Heidi
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

(as long as none of mine drown)

Just don't hold them underwater for more than 10 seconds at a time in any 1 minute period and you should be okay.
You said its a potluck? I've heard kids are okay if you cook 'em right. Kids? What kids? Come on, dish up and eat.

Jenks
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Nope. Doesn't speak. If you pry, you might get a one word response. He does eat quite a bit, but I don't make anything....I barely know him!

vneerland
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!
(as long as none of mine drown)

Just don't hold them underwater for more than 10 seconds at a time in any 1 minute period and you should be okay.
You said its a potluck? I've heard kids are okay if you cook 'em right. Kids? What kids? Come on, dish up and eat.

I see Heidi has a parenting style similar to mine! 8-) :twisted: Between the good luck with the pot luck, the e collar and the 10 second pool treatment, you should soon be free of troublesome children (enjoying the tranquility from your jail cell) :mrgreen:

lipigirl
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I've had a stomach bug, an adventurous 1yr old and it's been way too hot here so wont swap her but can comiserate ! You are putting me off ever thinking about a second BTW!!!

all that sass
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2 children are manageable....you have 2 hands!!! whatever possessed me to become OUT NUMBERED by them is beyond me hahahahahhaha however we had a terrific day untill my son tried to drown in the pool and his sister had to save him. then it started raining and we decided to head home. good food! YAY I LOVE POT LUCK!

Krickette
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after my second i'm getting spayed, lol! I could not deal with 3. just....no. I've never seen it work without someone (usually mommy) going insane! Nope, 2 is great. me and daniel were angels :twisted: :angel
Seriously though, my parents had the right idea. We are 6 years apart and it works fabulously, lol! I could pick on him while he was puny and small, and now that he's bigger than me and can fight back and all his hormones are raging and angry, i'm in college and he can't hurt me, lol!!!

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critterkeeper
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

You guys are NUTS - which is great when raising kids...

First and foremost - you can actually hold kids under for up to 30 seconds before they begin to sputter underwater... :? :o

If they are still reasonable small, the pully & rope for the hayloft can double as a supsension devise for wayward boys... :shock:

Roast child is best served with a Honey Mustard bbq sauce...and slow roasted over med-hot coals... :twisted:

As for a quiet 15 yr old boy - sorry there is no hope for them...once the hormones start raging the brains quit working and begin to shrivel and never regain their full size or function. :sad

Kylene "A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue." ~ Anonymous

Monsterpony
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You all are just helping to cement my thoughts on never having children. I've never wanted them and no one has ever given me a good enough reason to even consider it. I will have plenty of nieces/nephews to spoil when I feel like it, but when they are annoying, all I have to do is return them to their owners :rofl :rofl :rofl

.

lipigirl
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Your ideas on water are unusual - I take Brianna to little dippers every Monday and put her deliberately underwater - the first time was a bit weird though !

vneerland
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Your ideas on water are unusual - I take Brianna to little dippers every Monday and put her deliberately underwater - the first time was a bit weird though !

:mrgreen: Gash. I do hope you don't seriously think anybody here is waterboarding their kids! (not at a tender age anyway) :twisted:

All kidding aside and slightly off topic. When I hear of the (too) many drownings on local lakes, it is often said that the victim did not know how to swim. I think that is so horribly sad! As kids we all HAD to learn how to swim. Through school. Not optional. And I happen to think that's a good thing. Accidents can still happen, even if you know how to swim, of course. But at least you are not atomatically sunk when you fall out of your fishing boat. (pun intended)

@ Critter: You're a mess, lady! :laugh1

Heidi
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I remember swimming with my friend as she took her baby to the apartment-complex pool for the first time and she dunked her under. (The baby is my God-daughter, who just turned 21. How did *that* happen?) Anyway, Kim held little Jennifer under the arms and spoke "1-2-3!" then she blew in her face to make her close her eyes and dipped her under the water for a moment.
Is that how your class does it?

Oven-Baked-Chicken.
*I mean: Oven Baked Children!* :oops:
I prefer my children breaded with 'Bisquick' biscuit powder, salt, pepper and a bit of paprika. Bake at 350* for an hour, skin-side down. Turn pieces over, so the skin-side is up and bake another 15min, until crispy.
...works great for chicken pieces, too! ;)

Krickette
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I dunno how to swim. I know how to "not drown" i guess. I mean, I can doggy paddle and I can sometimes float. But I cannot bob in the water, and I can't swim well at all. I have had more swimming lessons than I can count, but I just don't get it. I don't move right. I always wear my life vest in the boat, and I don't swim without it where I can't touch the bottom. I really dislike the water. I don't enjoy the beach either...maybe I've just never been with anyone fun, but....ugh. Also swimsuits, those are horrid. It's not fair that guys get to wear shorts and girls run around in less than underwear!

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vneerland
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

Oven-Baked-Chicken.
*I mean: Oven Baked Children!* :oops:
I prefer my children breaded with 'Bisquick' biscuit powder, salt, pepper and a bit of paprika. Bake at 350* for an hour, skin-side down. Turn pieces over, so the skin-side is up and bake another 15min, until crispy.
...works great for chicken pieces, too! ;)

Yeah. But the meat is just too rich for me, so I usually end up using chicken instead, despite the fact that I DO like chickens! :P
It's summer BTW (no kidding!!!) so right now, nothing gets oven baked. But I have this cool recipy for a cold chicken-dish with pineapple and pecans. Substitute kids if you like, and if not, kids actually tend to like the 'salad' :D

I dunno how to swim. I know how to "not drown" i guess. I mean, I can doggy paddle and I can sometimes float. But I cannot bob in the water, and I can't swim well at all. I have had more swimming lessons than I can count, but I just don't get it.

That's a shame. You're not alone, of course and it takes a lot for many to overcome the uneasy feeling of being out of your element. I am not sure how many lessons it took for 'all of us' (in school) to become proficient or good. Quite a few, I fear. (I think once a week lessons went on for at least two years?

Heidi
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Yeah...I have a very difficult time procuring children for my favorite recipes so I tend to substitue chicken. Heck, *everything* tastes like chicken.
In the summer, I'll cook those pieces out on the gas-grill.

I am also a poor swimmer. I can doggie-paddle, I can backstroke, I can float and I can sort-of swim face-forward...but I just *CANNOT* swim with my face *IN* the water. My head has to be up, able to see the sky or see where I am going.
I saw Jaws in the theater when I was 10yrs old (Thanks, Mom & Dad!) and I am now permanantly *FREAKED* about water I cannot see through and/or night swimming unless it is brightly lit. Oh, and there can be NO pool-cleaning-sweepy-swimmy-things running through the water. If that stuff touches my leg, I'm screaming and running on top of the water to get out of there! It is a reaction I have absolutely no control over. :oops:

Krickette
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never saw jaws, lol! I'm not afraid of anything eating me, just drowning. When I was little I had no fear except jumping off diving boards. But my friend had a 13 foot pool and I went down to the bottom to get something and spent my time looking and ran out of air. So then I didn't push off hard enough and I was stuck with water above and water below and I honestly thought I was going to die! It sucked. Her big brother came out and jumped in after me.

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critterkeeper
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Oh, Krickette that is horrible. :o My mom did like swimming either and was afraid of the water all her life because when she was about 8 her dad took out on the river in the boat and dumped her and her sister overboard - they were told to swim or drown...the finally managed to swim to shore and never went back in the water for pleasure again... :sad

I will say this much, mom made sure her kids knew how to swim from a very early age - I can't even remember how young I was, but I wasn't in school yet. And my uncle did what Lipi is doing - his daughter was only a few months old and was taught how to swim. She was a "fish" in the water by the time she was 18 mos. old.

Kylene "A dog has lots of friends because he wags his tail and not his tongue." ~ Anonymous

lipigirl
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I know you aren't really gonna try and drown your kids !!! :laugh1 :laugh1

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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

my kids are like me. I tend to just drown. i can doggy paddle, but prefer to have my feet on the ground. my youngest (3 years) was swimming in the lake with a life jacket till she came out to have lunch and then ran back to the water and jumped in and sunk hahahaha. luckily my mom was close by and scooped her out when she saw me running screaming towards the lake. She hadn't seen her head back to the water either. My oldest can doggy paddle sufficiently with flotation devices but i would NEVER let her in the water without them because she sinks too. she has had one session of swimming lessons but failed to get her first badge because of sinking. we are not a fish family, but hope to get a pool this year and maybe get them floating a bit more since we live in 'the great lakes' and are surrounded by water! (river running along the whole side of our property)

all that sass
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Re: ARGH MY CHILDREN!!!!

oh my son tried to drown in water shallower then his knees at the beach last week too....shocking that kid doesn't have pneumonia now!